Ideas

Ever since I first started journaling all those years ago I always struggled to write something original, I felt like I was always coming back to the same topics, writing about the same things each time, bitching about things not changing.....

I guess it's about time I try and create some structure to my writing, I don't want to be writing about the same thing for years and years, i'd feel like I wasn't getting anywhere. I guess when I was younger I didn't exactly have a whole lot going on in my life so there wasn't too much to write about. That's only slightly the case now though, I think in some cases i've matured quite a bit and in other aspects of my life I probably haven't changed too much.

Even though in real life it may not seem like I have much to say I know that online or even just on paper I feel like I can write quite a bit, even if it's just rambling, that's still something to me. I've never been structured in my writing though.

There are so many different topics to choose to write about, getting coherent ideas on paper or in a blog is going to be a new thing for me. Structured writing is a must have for any journalist or fiction author, it's an essential skill for anyone that has to write for a living, or even just for communicating ideas.

If you were trying to read instructions for building something you don't want them to be garbled, you don't want to have to jump between pages to get to the right step.

I feel like I can say my whole life has been one big unstructured mess, from the start line to where I am now I don't feel like i'm in front of everything, i'm meeting one hurdle after another just a little bit too late. I should have predicted some things sooner, I should have known that I would need to make some decisions that could affect my future yet I put them off for too long.

I have a list of ideas that I would like to write something about, I think I could make a good enough attempt at them. I know i'll make mistakes and there may be times where i'm not making a whole lot of sense, that's ok, I know i'm going to make mistakes and I know that my writing not be the best or I might not have anything ground breaking to say, that's also ok, my opinion matters.

My city

Do I even know how to describe Belfast accurately???

I guess it's worth a shot. 

Going from memory I really only know why local area to a certain degree. I think when tourists come here they're more than likely going to have a better understanding of my own city than I will.

Belfast is the capital city of Northern Ireland, many people would have an issue with me calling it Northern Ireland and not the North of Ireland but to be honest I just stick to it's proper name, tourists who don't know much about Ireland aren't going to understand the issue some people have with what to call our country, let alone the issues that have been raging on for hundreds of years probably.

I don't think I could accurately explain the issues myself so it's probably best for me to just stick to what I know, which isn't a lot mind you.

Compared to other cities around the world Belfast isn't that big. I actually had to Google what the population for Belfast is, According to Wikipedia the City of Belfast has a population of 532,928, it's safe to say that most of the population of the country is situated in and around Belfast. Even though i've spent my whole life in Belfast I know for certain that there are whole areas that I haven't been to or heard of. I've probably ignored or haven't thought about 2 whole compass directions of my city( I don't know if that makes sense but fuck it). I couldn't tell you where North and East Belfast start or meet let alone how to make my way between them. It's sad that I would need a map to make my way to certain areas of my city.

A friend has put up a lot of photos  on Facebook  where he has been going to all of the cultural parts of Belfast and doing some of the more uncommon things. I wish I could do that more. I think if I have the time tomorrow, oh who am I kidding? Of course I have the time.... Anyway I think I might make a wee visit to the Ulster Museum, it's not something I would have ever thought about doing when I was younger but I think it's about time I do some exploring of my own city. I could probably go to the Titanic Museum as well if I get up early enough. 

The thing i'm looking forward to the most about finally having my driving license is the freedom i'll have to explore my city like I never could have before, or at least had the inkling to. 

If someone asks me something specific about a place I want to have the answer, I want to be able to direct people to certain sites and even give my own recommendations about where to go and what to do. At the minute all I can do is shrug and say I don't know or I can't tell you much about that place.

I've lived in this country for all of my 28 years and I haven't seen or been to somewhere that's only a few miles away from me. 

Decisions, decisions.

I haven't worked a whole lot recently, all of this free time has made me question whether I should move on or not from this job. I don't know whether it's rewarding enough for me, this lull in work is definitely making me think it's not worth it to stay. The other part of me is thinking I should just tough it out and try and work with what i've got.

I've almost gotten my driving license now so i'll be able to fully come on to the supervisor track in my work, I think i'm firm enough in my position that it's worthwhile to go ahead and progress as far as I can while I consider looking for another job or even trying to find a part time course to do while i'm working. I'm still at the point in my life where I have no idea what to do with the rest of it. I'm getting closer and closer to 30 and i'm still as clueless as I was when I was 16. I can keep looking and hope that i'll stumble on something that i'm unexpectedly good at, or I could stay on track with this job.

I can do a lot of bitching and whining and questioning about what my life but it's not getting me any closer to figuring out what the right career path is for me. I've had this conversation 1000 times with myself and I haven't gotten any closer to the truth.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!!

Time

It seems like i'll be having a lot of time off for the next few weeks, there doesn't seem to be a lot of work at the minute, with only a few sparse days each week i'll have plenty of time to myself. I really should try and be productive and do what I can to be productive and maybe learn something new.

It seemed like when I didn't have a job I could keep myself occupied for hours without getting bored. That's not the case now though. Having to try and plan my time accordingly is still a major problem for me. I'm just not an organised person at all, maybe it's because I have some ADD issues or maybe i'm just lazy in general, I just can't stick to a schedule and I can't keep myself from getting distracted. Getting distracted is one of my biggest flaws, who knows what I could get done if I managed to sit down and make the effort to read or to listen to a podcast or watch some type of informative video. I can do half of those things at a quarter attention, I try to do them all at the same time, that's where the dilemma is.

Looking back at my childhood I was always easily distracted. I was medicated for a few years, I was taking Ritalin during Primary School and into secondary school. Should I have kept taking it as I got older? I don't know the answer to that question but in my opinion the answer is probably yes, a great big resounding yes as well.

When I was young I couldn't sit still to do anything,  I always wanted to move around, I never wanted to sit still and do homework, i'm surprised I managed to do any homework at all. I have to thank my parents though, without their help I probably wouldn't have finished primary school on time and I definitely would have been held back even further in secondary school.

Now that i'm a lot older I wonder if I would be able to make it through school again, would my issued be even greater than they were when I was younger? Has my attention span taken an even bigger dive? Maybe it's because i'm always tired now because of work or I have too many devices on at once, I can only take in so much at one time, I can't keep track of what i'm doing anymore. I try and read an interesting blog post or news story and I find another one that interests me as well so I change to that while leaving the other one unfinished.

That's the way things go with some books as well, I have a mountain of books that I haven't finished or haven't even made an attempt at yet. I just buy book after book and then just ad them to the pile.

I guess it does seem like i'm making some progress with this blog post, usually I would have been distracted by something and moved on leaving this unfinished but I guess today i'm sticking to it.

I want to get back to the gym and lose the pounds i've been gaining, or at least just try and get slightly less unfit and make myself look slightly more flattering to look at.

Getting a proper nights rest is probably a good start though, my sleeping pattern is always going to be fucked up and I know i'm not doing myself any favours by staying up any later.

My return!

I knew this would happen, I knew I wouldn't be able to maintain this blog for long without a long break. It's like my written journal, it seems like I only write whenever I can't think of anything else to do. I should be able capable of a whole lot more than this, it's been almost 4 months since I last wrote in this, that is if my maths is correct...

So what have I done in that time? I could have said I was far too busy with work and with my life to write in this blog but that would be a lie. I mean sure i've had a few weeks where I haven't been able to do a whole lot more than work. I guess I just didn't make the time to write more. Even without work i've had plenty of time to do more than just play on the Playstation and watch TV, I really haven't done much more than that though.

I guess the biggest update I have for my many readers( crickets....) is the fact that i'm in the process of getting my driving license again, i'll get the test eventually, 5 attempts down, I have another few in me for sure..... I got back into doing driving lessons with the encouragement of my boss in work and a few suggestions from friends. I guess I sort of just jumped back into them again. The crazy thing about it though is the fact that I still knew how to drive, I had all the gears down fine, control wasn't an issue, learning all of the maneuvers again was and still is my biggest concern, as well as the observation and trying to eliminate all of the dumb mistakes i've been making. It was the dumb mistakes that made me fail the driving test so many times before in the past. Those small lapses in judgement however minor ended up being major. I haven't crashed the car yet but there's still plenty of time.

I'm still going at my job, i've been at it for over a year and a half now, and to think the longest job i've had before this one lasted only 3 months or so, i'm not a failure yet! I went ahead and put my name forward for supervisor training, I haven't exactly had a whole lot of training yet though. It's mainly been a few hours in a classroom type setting going over bullet points and reading from a booklet, not exactly the most interesting stuff.

I've also been somewhat interested in the technical side of things when it comes to doing the PFS, at this point i've only just been observing the supervisor doing it with me, I guess i've picked up a few things but i'm far from being at the point where I could do all of the computer stuff on my own, that's probably still a long way off.

Onto my social life, or what passes for a social life for me these days anyway/

I guess I haven't exactly been that social these last few months, other than birthdays and the odd night out I haven't really gotten the chance to be social with my friends. I don't know whether playing Playstation games and talking over a microphone counts as being social.

A big shocker for some of my friends would be the fact that I went on a date a few days ago. It wasn't that successful but at least i'm getting myself out there again. The last date I had was a few years ago and that really wasn't that successful either. I guess I can't really go on one date every few years and expect that things are going to miraculously go my way. I need to get out more, a lot more/

I guess on the social aspect me going for the supervisor training is a big plus, I mean it could still end in a major major failure and emotionally cripple me but I guess i'm getting more of a chance to talk to other people in a more professional way.

What do I believe in, what are my passions? Part 2

Since I tend to ramble a bit whenever I write I felt the need to split this post into two parts, I felt I could have written a whole book in the first post.

Right so were was I?? Khan Academy yes, I feel like this is a great resource for a lot of people, especially me. It seems like I didn't learn anything in school because everything I see on this website seems extremely foreign to me, or maybe I just wasn't paying attention, you can blame the ADD on that.

I made it through all of the Crash Course:World History videos, I know for sure that it was beneficial, it gave me a lot of new topics to research and there was plenty of humour in it too which helped quite a bit with getting through all of the serious stuff.

After that course I decided to try and brush up on my mathematics skill which I found to be severely lacking. I didn't really need to learn how to add 1+1 but I wasn't far off it. I didn't get to any material that I couldn't manage. Sure I saw some stuff that was a bit of a challenge but I managed to comprehend some of it in the end. Whether I can remember anything I learned is another matter though, That's my main problem when it comes to learning new skills or trying to learn some new information, my level of retention isn't that high. I don't know if there's much I can do to combat that, I wouldn't know if I was getting any better at it though.

I have plenty of notebooks at my disposal but I never bring them with me or write in them frequently enough to make much of a difference. Notebooks or notepads can definitely be beneficial for me when it comes to work and doing the PFS for Tesco. There's plenty I need to learn about that job before I could be considered knowledgeable.

Since i've procrastinated for so long I think this could end being a 3 part post, unless I just ramble on for another 10 minutes or so which could be very likely, i've been known to do it in the past.

What do I believe in, what are my passions?

So what's new in my life since I last posted over 10 days ago??? Hmm, let me see, oh yeah not a whole lot! After a tough few weeks of work I had the weekend off to relax and this week shouldn't be too bad work wise so I can at least have some time to myself and maybe actually get a chance to go to the gym or read, I haven't made much time for myself to read lately and i'm getting even further behind when it comes to all of the magazines i'm subscribed to. Hopefully I can get up to date on everything I read but that sounds unlikely at this rate!

Apart from work I haven't done a whole lot since last time. I finally had another night out with my friends, it seems like i'm only out for special occasions like birthdays or engagement parties, I guess that what happens when you get older and your friends and family start to plan for the rest of their lives beyond university and the day to day things. I did have a good time out on Saturday with my friends, even though it was sort of a typical night out I will still appreciate those types of experiences with my friends, just going out to a bar and having good conversations with people and listening to music. 

Is that all that has happened in my life in the past 10 days??? I got new glasses! My vision is getting worse again so I had to get another eye test where I found out that I needed another pair of new glasses, the change was quite noticeable though. The optician showed me what my old prescription was compared to the new one that I would have, there was a definite change and I knew it wouldn't be fun walking around for another year or so before I could tell it was getting bad enough for me to make my own appointment for an eye test rather than getting the reminder that I was due for one.

Now that the day to day updates are done I think it's time to get more serious. I know I probably don't think or talk about current issues enough, there are a lot of things I don't have an opinion on or maybe I just don't know enough about a subject to have anything new or worthwhile to say about them.

I guess I should really start by talking about what does interest me and what subjects I want to know more about.

I know when I was younger all I really read in my free time was Military Fiction books about war or action and adventure. I know I was barely touching the surface when it came to good literature. Those fiction books wouldn't win any awards, they were easy reads without a lot of depth, I was comfortable with what I was reading so for a long time I didn't try to branch out into anything more complex. At some point though I started reading less Military Fiction and more true stories about the military and real battles which actually required me to try and make sense of what had happened in the world before my time.

Looking back over 10 years ago my bookshelf was mostly filled with Military fiction and non-fiction. I guess military non-fiction is still classified as history so at least I was getting some understanding about the world. 

I don't know how but after a while my interests changed to general history and even science. I knew that I would never have a great understanding about all of the topics that I was reading about, that's still the case now, however I knew that what I was reading interested me and I always felt that there was more and more to read, more fascinating new topics to learn about. I read books about archaeology, nature, physics, space, you name it I probably would have read something about it. Here's where the problems began. I would always move on far too quickly from subject to subject, I started leaving books unfinished because I saw another one that interested me, I still have this problem, I know that there are quite a few books in my library that I haven't finished or even started!!

Basically me when I was younger, this video perfectly describes what I was like when it came to books in my teen years. it's still a fairly accurate representation of what i'm like to this day, i'm 28 now you would think I would be able to narrow my focus to a few topics that interest me, but no, I still find myself going from topic to topic without getting a good enough understanding of the fundamental issues and the basic concepts of things like science or nature. There is one video series that I actually made it to the end of that I found very interesting, Crash Course World History, like the title suggests, it's a crash course, John Green the who created this series takes you through thousands of years of human history, starting with The Agricultural Revolution, Ancient Egypt, the major religions of the world and ending with Globalisation. 

Although i've read books covering some of the topics in this series there was and still is a lot more I can learn, there are still countless videos and courses that I can participate in, I know that I need to get back to using Khan Academy, it was a great resource for me for a while. My maths skills were rather lacking so I decided to start their Mathematics course from the very beginning, luckily I did manage to master that, I managed to count to 10 without having to use my fingers, so I have that going for me....

End of part one!