Ideas

Ever since I first started journaling all those years ago I always struggled to write something original, I felt like I was always coming back to the same topics, writing about the same things each time, bitching about things not changing.....

I guess it's about time I try and create some structure to my writing, I don't want to be writing about the same thing for years and years, i'd feel like I wasn't getting anywhere. I guess when I was younger I didn't exactly have a whole lot going on in my life so there wasn't too much to write about. That's only slightly the case now though, I think in some cases i've matured quite a bit and in other aspects of my life I probably haven't changed too much.

Even though in real life it may not seem like I have much to say I know that online or even just on paper I feel like I can write quite a bit, even if it's just rambling, that's still something to me. I've never been structured in my writing though.

There are so many different topics to choose to write about, getting coherent ideas on paper or in a blog is going to be a new thing for me. Structured writing is a must have for any journalist or fiction author, it's an essential skill for anyone that has to write for a living, or even just for communicating ideas.

If you were trying to read instructions for building something you don't want them to be garbled, you don't want to have to jump between pages to get to the right step.

I feel like I can say my whole life has been one big unstructured mess, from the start line to where I am now I don't feel like i'm in front of everything, i'm meeting one hurdle after another just a little bit too late. I should have predicted some things sooner, I should have known that I would need to make some decisions that could affect my future yet I put them off for too long.

I have a list of ideas that I would like to write something about, I think I could make a good enough attempt at them. I know i'll make mistakes and there may be times where i'm not making a whole lot of sense, that's ok, I know i'm going to make mistakes and I know that my writing not be the best or I might not have anything ground breaking to say, that's also ok, my opinion matters.

My city

Do I even know how to describe Belfast accurately???

I guess it's worth a shot. 

Going from memory I really only know why local area to a certain degree. I think when tourists come here they're more than likely going to have a better understanding of my own city than I will.

Belfast is the capital city of Northern Ireland, many people would have an issue with me calling it Northern Ireland and not the North of Ireland but to be honest I just stick to it's proper name, tourists who don't know much about Ireland aren't going to understand the issue some people have with what to call our country, let alone the issues that have been raging on for hundreds of years probably.

I don't think I could accurately explain the issues myself so it's probably best for me to just stick to what I know, which isn't a lot mind you.

Compared to other cities around the world Belfast isn't that big. I actually had to Google what the population for Belfast is, According to Wikipedia the City of Belfast has a population of 532,928, it's safe to say that most of the population of the country is situated in and around Belfast. Even though i've spent my whole life in Belfast I know for certain that there are whole areas that I haven't been to or heard of. I've probably ignored or haven't thought about 2 whole compass directions of my city( I don't know if that makes sense but fuck it). I couldn't tell you where North and East Belfast start or meet let alone how to make my way between them. It's sad that I would need a map to make my way to certain areas of my city.

A friend has put up a lot of photos  on Facebook  where he has been going to all of the cultural parts of Belfast and doing some of the more uncommon things. I wish I could do that more. I think if I have the time tomorrow, oh who am I kidding? Of course I have the time.... Anyway I think I might make a wee visit to the Ulster Museum, it's not something I would have ever thought about doing when I was younger but I think it's about time I do some exploring of my own city. I could probably go to the Titanic Museum as well if I get up early enough. 

The thing i'm looking forward to the most about finally having my driving license is the freedom i'll have to explore my city like I never could have before, or at least had the inkling to. 

If someone asks me something specific about a place I want to have the answer, I want to be able to direct people to certain sites and even give my own recommendations about where to go and what to do. At the minute all I can do is shrug and say I don't know or I can't tell you much about that place.

I've lived in this country for all of my 28 years and I haven't seen or been to somewhere that's only a few miles away from me. 

Decisions, decisions.

I haven't worked a whole lot recently, all of this free time has made me question whether I should move on or not from this job. I don't know whether it's rewarding enough for me, this lull in work is definitely making me think it's not worth it to stay. The other part of me is thinking I should just tough it out and try and work with what i've got.

I've almost gotten my driving license now so i'll be able to fully come on to the supervisor track in my work, I think i'm firm enough in my position that it's worthwhile to go ahead and progress as far as I can while I consider looking for another job or even trying to find a part time course to do while i'm working. I'm still at the point in my life where I have no idea what to do with the rest of it. I'm getting closer and closer to 30 and i'm still as clueless as I was when I was 16. I can keep looking and hope that i'll stumble on something that i'm unexpectedly good at, or I could stay on track with this job.

I can do a lot of bitching and whining and questioning about what my life but it's not getting me any closer to figuring out what the right career path is for me. I've had this conversation 1000 times with myself and I haven't gotten any closer to the truth.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!!

Time

It seems like i'll be having a lot of time off for the next few weeks, there doesn't seem to be a lot of work at the minute, with only a few sparse days each week i'll have plenty of time to myself. I really should try and be productive and do what I can to be productive and maybe learn something new.

It seemed like when I didn't have a job I could keep myself occupied for hours without getting bored. That's not the case now though. Having to try and plan my time accordingly is still a major problem for me. I'm just not an organised person at all, maybe it's because I have some ADD issues or maybe i'm just lazy in general, I just can't stick to a schedule and I can't keep myself from getting distracted. Getting distracted is one of my biggest flaws, who knows what I could get done if I managed to sit down and make the effort to read or to listen to a podcast or watch some type of informative video. I can do half of those things at a quarter attention, I try to do them all at the same time, that's where the dilemma is.

Looking back at my childhood I was always easily distracted. I was medicated for a few years, I was taking Ritalin during Primary School and into secondary school. Should I have kept taking it as I got older? I don't know the answer to that question but in my opinion the answer is probably yes, a great big resounding yes as well.

When I was young I couldn't sit still to do anything,  I always wanted to move around, I never wanted to sit still and do homework, i'm surprised I managed to do any homework at all. I have to thank my parents though, without their help I probably wouldn't have finished primary school on time and I definitely would have been held back even further in secondary school.

Now that i'm a lot older I wonder if I would be able to make it through school again, would my issued be even greater than they were when I was younger? Has my attention span taken an even bigger dive? Maybe it's because i'm always tired now because of work or I have too many devices on at once, I can only take in so much at one time, I can't keep track of what i'm doing anymore. I try and read an interesting blog post or news story and I find another one that interests me as well so I change to that while leaving the other one unfinished.

That's the way things go with some books as well, I have a mountain of books that I haven't finished or haven't even made an attempt at yet. I just buy book after book and then just ad them to the pile.

I guess it does seem like i'm making some progress with this blog post, usually I would have been distracted by something and moved on leaving this unfinished but I guess today i'm sticking to it.

I want to get back to the gym and lose the pounds i've been gaining, or at least just try and get slightly less unfit and make myself look slightly more flattering to look at.

Getting a proper nights rest is probably a good start though, my sleeping pattern is always going to be fucked up and I know i'm not doing myself any favours by staying up any later.